Like Pheonix with a heartach

I've come to realize several things.

Just becuase I want something badly enough, dosn't mean its going to happen. I shouldn't force it, and obsesse over it like I've been doing. I have to let things happen, and go on living regardless of what occurs.

I'm not ready for my story to be interupted yet. I'm ashamed I let this happen again, but I can end it differntly and that is what is important.

Of Love and pain

I want to blame her for all the pain your experiencing. I almost hated her for you, that part was easy. Then I realized that you deserved better than that, because you do put up with all my boy drama, so I tried to be her friend.

You told me the way she looks you in your eyes kills you.

You like her soooooo much. I'd do anything to make this whole thing easier for you. I'd take the pain for you. I'm at least used to this, you were innocent. I want you to be happy....thats all I want.

All of these lines across my face

I think I made a mistake when I became so focused on achieving certain goals.

The problem was that I didn't know how to be successful without putting all my energy into the finaly outcome, I usualy say I'm a pretty laid back person who likes to procrastenate, but the truth is I've been working towards things my entire life, and sometimes I think maybe that distances me from whats actualy going on around me.

This weekend I realized I've lost track of a lot of things. I forgot how to just enjoy life. I have to be doing something 24/7 to feel like a good person, but I think what really determines a good person is how they act when they have down time.

So today I took the time to listen to some slow songs, yes Kyle they don't always suck, and I'm starting to really feel emotions other than stress. Its been a long time sense that has happened, and though I can't say I'm totaly okay with everything its nice to be able to process life.

I'm a senior in highschool. The prequell is coming to a close and I'm ready to start the rest of the series. Just someone remind me to not loose the context inbetween books.

Becuase I don't know any meaningful song lyrics

I'm not as strong as I thought I was, and I'm not as reponsible as I play myself up to be. Matuirtiy is a two edged sword, and sometimes I don't want to be the good kid.

I also think theres some sort of sub-human ability to be able to tell when members of the oppisote sex like one another. We can all tell Just.Like.That and I don't see how we could know any other way.

I don't really know what to say. I dind't have a very good day, I'm sure I know whats going on, and I kinda miss feel alright.