GEEZE your mom is dramatic. Scared me to pieces.
But I havn't cried yet. Not bad eh? It'll probably hit tonight when I'm trying to learn how to do precal.
Monday, May 26, 2008
Saturday, May 17, 2008
They say...
They say don't let talk get to you. It's just talk. What matters is the truth.
If you know the truth your golden.
I disagree. If you know the truth but all everyone else knows is the talk then whats left? Who's right? What becomes the truth?
This iwas supposed to be a no stress fun relationship. I was lonely. I wanted to be able to go on double dates. Have someone to hug, to learn someones scent.
I think I wanted Jon back. Just ya know, not Jon.
This relationship has not been that. This relationship began with people talking. Everyone was talking. I know I gossip. But a "WELCOME" committy was not what we needed.
"Who are you and why do you know my bussness?" became the order of the day.
Then it became awkwardness. Why was nothing working out? Its okay, roll with the punches. Its all just talk and perspective.
And now the family? Seriously? No one has EVER said I "get around" before. How can you spring this on me?
Am I a tease? Are there rumors I don't know about? You didn't trust me with aaron, now your worried I get around.
Its just talk though. I know the truth.
But who the hell wants the truth?
If you know the truth your golden.
I disagree. If you know the truth but all everyone else knows is the talk then whats left? Who's right? What becomes the truth?
This iwas supposed to be a no stress fun relationship. I was lonely. I wanted to be able to go on double dates. Have someone to hug, to learn someones scent.
I think I wanted Jon back. Just ya know, not Jon.
This relationship has not been that. This relationship began with people talking. Everyone was talking. I know I gossip. But a "WELCOME" committy was not what we needed.
"Who are you and why do you know my bussness?" became the order of the day.
Then it became awkwardness. Why was nothing working out? Its okay, roll with the punches. Its all just talk and perspective.
And now the family? Seriously? No one has EVER said I "get around" before. How can you spring this on me?
Am I a tease? Are there rumors I don't know about? You didn't trust me with aaron, now your worried I get around.
Its just talk though. I know the truth.
But who the hell wants the truth?
Thursday, May 15, 2008
Confusion!
I'm confused! As apposed to my standard application of writing out my confusion in blog form I've decided to just internalize the whloe bit during finals week! It provides for excitement and joy and all sorts of other things.
PLUS Ethan can listen to ME whine about something for once!
Oh my, I'm dreading social interactions so much I'd rather do work!
Why are my relatinoships always of the unhealthy variatey? Why must I go to highschool for another year?
Emily Dickinson is famous and revered. SHe was also lonely and unhappy. I rather not be like her.
PLUS Ethan can listen to ME whine about something for once!
Oh my, I'm dreading social interactions so much I'd rather do work!
Why are my relatinoships always of the unhealthy variatey? Why must I go to highschool for another year?
Emily Dickinson is famous and revered. SHe was also lonely and unhappy. I rather not be like her.
Tuesday, May 13, 2008
All the Dumb things you'll do
I had a dream last night.
Nightmare really, it had Jon in it and Derek was telling me how great he was getting along with all these girls...
I woke up scared that I cared so much.
Brody was physco all day.
Then 10mins before I leave
"TEll me the truth. Do you and aaron have soething?"
Where the hell did aaron come from?
Now he won't talk this out of course. Instead he's going to do nothing about it and assume its going to change.
This is not working out.
Nightmare really, it had Jon in it and Derek was telling me how great he was getting along with all these girls...
I woke up scared that I cared so much.
Brody was physco all day.
Then 10mins before I leave
"TEll me the truth. Do you and aaron have soething?"
Where the hell did aaron come from?
Now he won't talk this out of course. Instead he's going to do nothing about it and assume its going to change.
This is not working out.
Sunday, May 11, 2008
Little Did I know...
I think the bitterness I felt toward J held me back from a lot of things.
It hurt my realationship with Derek, and Kyle, and other people.
It made it so easy to blame everything on other people but I'm sure it made me look crazy person who couldn't get over the issues.
I hope that I can get over the issues. I hope that I don't loose the privledge of being peopels confidents. I'm happy, and invovled in others lives, I just don't want to loose that by accident.
Oh, and he has a facebook now. How strange.
And when did Derek grow a pair?
SEE! I'm missing things all the time
It hurt my realationship with Derek, and Kyle, and other people.
It made it so easy to blame everything on other people but I'm sure it made me look crazy person who couldn't get over the issues.
I hope that I can get over the issues. I hope that I don't loose the privledge of being peopels confidents. I'm happy, and invovled in others lives, I just don't want to loose that by accident.
Oh, and he has a facebook now. How strange.
And when did Derek grow a pair?
SEE! I'm missing things all the time
Friday, May 02, 2008
Regret and Lap Dances
We were going to say goodbye to you before you left. Derek Kyle and I. For some reason we decided to do this in the early morning.
For some reason we all slept in a car in your parking lot until the time. I was going to sneek out early so I could talk to you first but i Couldn't remember the numbers. I felt bad because I wrote you so many times while at camp but never remembered the numbers.
Derek was mad I still thought our relationship was specail. On the way to our house he and Kyle turned. "You don't belong here" said derek.
"Do you want me to leave?" I asked, knowning the answer.
"Go."
I woke up.
*****
I was getting married to an old man that looked like Kyles dad. I didn't know him, and the wedding looked tacky. Adam, Lea's boyfriend, offered to marry me instead. I looked at Brody, and then at Lea. They both shruged and ate pizza hut party.
I didn't want ot marry Adam. I didn't know him, but the guests were leaving and my mom was mad so I went along with it. I cried a bit, then began to do inappropaite things with him.
The next dream day I saw lea to find out tehy had broken up. Odd how marriages do that.
****
I was looking for someone and found myself on some sort of night club stage. Into the crowd went the dancers so I followed.
Nick Baily sat there looking nervose. So I gave him a lap dance.
****
Who knew I was so horny in my dreams? With almost completle strangers too.
For some reason we all slept in a car in your parking lot until the time. I was going to sneek out early so I could talk to you first but i Couldn't remember the numbers. I felt bad because I wrote you so many times while at camp but never remembered the numbers.
Derek was mad I still thought our relationship was specail. On the way to our house he and Kyle turned. "You don't belong here" said derek.
"Do you want me to leave?" I asked, knowning the answer.
"Go."
I woke up.
*****
I was getting married to an old man that looked like Kyles dad. I didn't know him, and the wedding looked tacky. Adam, Lea's boyfriend, offered to marry me instead. I looked at Brody, and then at Lea. They both shruged and ate pizza hut party.
I didn't want ot marry Adam. I didn't know him, but the guests were leaving and my mom was mad so I went along with it. I cried a bit, then began to do inappropaite things with him.
The next dream day I saw lea to find out tehy had broken up. Odd how marriages do that.
****
I was looking for someone and found myself on some sort of night club stage. Into the crowd went the dancers so I followed.
Nick Baily sat there looking nervose. So I gave him a lap dance.
****
Who knew I was so horny in my dreams? With almost completle strangers too.
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