Can we Fake it, can we make believe

Once again, I question when I became important enough to cause fights and arguments.

It seems as though I can no longer please anyone by being kind, that's what got me into this predicament. That's the problem with friends ya know, if your nice to them once they just keep coming back for more and more.

Seriously, it should not be a big deal if I didn't make plans with you. It should not make you angry that I don't WANT to make plans with you, I'm just not a really big party person.

Let me sit home and read. I don't want to do another movie night. I love you all, and I promise I'll help you out, but sometimes I just need a little time and no commitments.

Nothing is certain, and I think my problem is I get so upset when things don't work out according to plan that I've stoped making plans. Spurr of the moment decisions now control my life, and for the most part that works for me.

It doesn't work for Kyle. Or Jon. Or anyone else for that matter.

Actually it works for Aaron. Our shared.....issues work perfectly together.

The moral of this story is, sometimes I want nothing more than to tell everyone to get over it. I don't know why my presence is important enough to you to throw a fit. Your just going to talk to other people once I'm there, and that's cool, so just let me sit at home and read.

Its christmas time!

This year has gone my extremely fast. A LOT has changed, and I love most of it.

This time last year I spent every night with Kyle, loving ever moment of it, and was incredibly grateful for a friendship like that.

I was also quite fond of a certain Broderick Goodnight, whom was doing his very best to ignore me on account of me turning him down twice....ON this very night I recall forcing myself to stay up so I could talk to him, and him really not caring.

BUT it was okay because it was the first time I felt the little twinge of romantic excitement and I was going to ride it.

During the break I hung out with Aaron and Brody for the first time, an event that would be the catalyst for sooooo much awesomeness. Aaron has been the best friend someone could have and Brody has...good intentions.

My family was well and my attitude good.

And things are still that way.

I have two new best friends, it seems things have finally worked out on the Mr.McCoy front :), Kyle admited begrudgingly that he loved me no matter how dumb I can get, and I'm so thankful for all the good people around me.

I don't have to be forcefully happy or peppy anymore. I'm strong but I don't have to be as often as before. I love being able to drop it all and be with my family, but I love the fact I don't have to.

Whats that sound?

So today I realized why I'm not afraid about starting college, or moving away, or any of the coming of age things my peers fear.

And I think this is the reason why. I am more afraid of screwing up all the precious relationships here, then I am of moving away and leaving them all in good condition.

That is what really scares me.

Also, my titles always come from the song lyric thats playing at the moment.....lol, just incase I ever need to remember WHY i chose that.

Call me pathetic, call me what you will

STOP SUFFICATING ME

I don't know when everyone got so desperate that I becasme the deciding factor to whether or not they had an enjoyable day, but I really don't feel like dealing with their social problems.

Don't tie me down, please. I love you both but I have enough committments in my life that on my days off I just can't deal with set in stone social engagments.

How sad is it I complain about people wanting to hang out?

Its a hard thing to explain....maybe someday I'll figure it out and do a better job.