The Great Escape (Not the song)

I am really really great at finding escapes. Healthy ones even! The occasional bike ride, a good book, a chat with a friend.

YOu know, just things that take your mind off of stressful bad things.

However after some thought experimentation *Einstein did that you know* I've come to a horrible conclusion.

If you stay in one of the little escape modes long enough, do you become deliusional? Does the positive of the happy land overwelm the stress of reality or is it the otherway around?

I bring this up becuase its summer time kids! Its summer and its freedom and its great and I love it.

What I DON'T love is this nagging reminder in the back of my head that makes me think I'm not good enough for the family anymore. Oh yes I know, I need to chill, I need to go with the flow, and really, I try. I do.

Most of hte time it even works! But they began dropping hints ever so slightly, things like "She's really in shape isn't she? Wonder how she does that" or "Wow, those are some high test scores" my personal favorite "So-and-so is really a hot shot. Thats really impressive".

Okay okay, I think to myself. They're always going on and on about other people and how impressive they are. I'm an impressive person. I do impressive things....right?

Here is where I began to worry. WHAT do I do that is impressive? I lost Honor Grad, only to come to grips with that fact, then my stupid boyfriend got mad at me for "Selling myself short" so I got the stupid thing back.

THEN, on and then the universe tricked me! *Disclamer: The end result of the following story was in actuality MY FAULT. I take blame. I really do. THeir were other factors invovled, but blame does lie mostly on my sholders*

I did poorly on a Precal Test. One that I studied for over 5hrs for. SERIOUSLY. I mean, I worked hard on that thing and I F'd it up. Its pathetic and a little bit sad but I was crushed. I tried my hardest and it wasn't even close.

While studying for this Test I was also playing sectionals.

Then Jon decided it'd be cool to go into the hospital, so his mom kept calling me, and stupid annoying people who REFUSE to let me move on kept guilting me about not pulling a Florence Nightengale.

I studied for all my other finals. I planned on studying for Precal but i was SO tired, Brodys Birthday also just HAD to be the next day and then I started pukeing.

Not from stess. I'm pretty sure it was leftover shrimp. Either way, as I took that precal final I didn't care WHAT i put down, I just focused on not pukeing.

Because I like to elaborate you may have forgotten the point of this tale. The point is that I now, once again, have a FANTASTIC C+ in Precal.

So my mom freaks out. So does the Dad *Who probably only just got his GQE*. The grandfather starts dropping hints about how amazing Matt is and how awesome this other girl is and how im lucky to be average.

I'm just so tired. Its a C+ its good enough for me. She says I didn't work hard enough, she goes behidn my back and calls Myers "Virginia you got the lowest grade in the class" (SOmething I doubt)

Their trying to pull the whole "You were sick dear, its not your fault, you only needed one more point, why couldn't you have tried just a little harder?" The dialog varies between extreme dissapointment and degust.

They're never just proud.

Yes. I was sick. I also didn't study. I also let other people distract me and get to me. Mostly, I was ready for summer, ready to be happy.

I think its unfair they claim I'm immature and act like I"m so dissapointing. I'm not going to be Valvictorian like DJ. I'm not going to West Point. I'm never going to do well in Math.

I'm sorry parentials. But I CAN NOT please you.

So I'm going to stop trying.