When the world comes out from under you

There have only been three distinct times in my life where I felt truly stupid.

I've written about two in here, one more distinctly than the other.

Here is the third.

You can NOT trust guys. Any of them. Even the really really really nice ones whom you've known FOREVER and love more than anything.

Becuase the thing is, if your really good friends with a guy, they will want more.

I built my entire life off the notion you can have great guy friends who are only, and simply, friends. Perhaps this was a really stupid idea, but it seemed to be working.

And then tonight I was thinking. It has NOT been working. From a distance, every guy I talk to is great and amazing and my friend. But as SOON as you get to that intimate level of friendship, they mistake my intintions and ask me out.

Every. Single. One.

At first it was scary. How does one deal with such an occurance? But this is no exaguration folks. Every single boy I have ever, EVER been friends with had asked/ made it known to me that they've liked me at least once.

So I got used to it. Laughed at it and honestly had no issues with it. "haha, silly guy is just confused" I'd say. Besdies, it always worked out okay in the end. Better even. Sure, it took time and a few awkward situations, but it always always today. I always had a corner stone to fall back on.

Today my cornerstone broke. And with it, everything I thought I knew about life and saftey cracked beneath my feet.

I'm going to pretend it did not happen. I'm not going to think about it or talk about it. But its impossible not to think about it.

Why would you do this? I'm being selfish. But why?

Yesterday I woke up SO happy. You don't even know how happy.

Now I can't stop shaking...