And tonight I walk through an empty street

will a week away referse the sprial?

He was short but not fat

My face is on fire. My brain has been burned and my softball coach is to blame.

My eyes don't focus on anything thats colder then my skin, if they do they water, I'm tired.

My heart and common sense brain lenght is tired. My dealing with issues is tired. I've sliped up with my words and I have a feeling it will bite me back.

But then again, that was with him, a differnt person who dosn't do the shallow thing. He dosn't do much of anything actualy, and I wish I loved him.

But I don't, at least not now.

I'm going to pretend Laura didn't tell me anything that might make me uncomfortable, beucase the best way to ruin a friendship is to try and make it something more. *Not with Laura you sickos* lol

I"m giong to go sleep now

And we'll sing when winter's finaly broken

I wasn't prepaired for how easily he told me you had cancer, or how much he hurt to say it.

And when I got yelled at I was surprised.

When they told me you were okay today I wasn't surprised though. I knew you would be.

And if they tell you you only have 3 weeks left again, at least you'll get spring break.

In refrence to those momentary times of insantiy

I hate my hair I hate my cloths I hate my feet I hate my body I hate my school I hate my computer I hate my personaity I hate my freckles I hate my face I hate my diet I hate my glasses I hate my earings I hate my softball team I hate my grades I hate my teachers I hate my bordem I hate hating things randomly.

*Screams and slams door*

Why can't I talk to you?

I know why we broke up, you were always too good for me.

I"m really tired of life and of your crap.

Just for future refrence, if you had stayed online, I wouldn't have dignified you with a response.

It can't be won

Its time for me to be movin on.

Easier said then done.

Its like...

Why does it seem as though everyone in my life has been fake but the one person I refuse to be with?

Why do I let you use everything I have just so you can continue to screw me over and even as I type I know tomorrow we'll be fine.

You really are a dick though. I love you, but your a dick.

To write love on her arms

Part of the problem I think is that they make it so very poetic on blogs and in books. It is dark, harmful, and yet they portray it as beautiful.

All it is is shame really.

I may end up being pleasently surprised. I might just get let down. Again.

Your all so not my scene anymore.

The year was 2007

So today I decided I was pretty tired of being everywhere at once, being brave and strong, pretending to care, caring, school, teachers, softball, parents, non-friends.

To my mother, who I love, and whom loves me dearly,

I'm tired of you getting on me. This is what I suggest. If you want to tell at me for having my shoes in the bathroom, figure out where the hell I go afterschool. take some damn responsibilty for the house and for me. I know your tired. I know you don't feel very well right now. Don't bitch at me for a parents meeting I don't particurly want you at anyway. I'm not making you go.

In the car on the way home when your blaming me for the world issues, I'd appriciate if you'd not tell me all I do is bitch and that you don't want to here it.

News flash, you don't know where I am half the time. You don't hear it. I spent my fucking birthday with people I've known for 2 days becuase you locked yourslef in the guest bed room and felt bad because you didn't have anything prepaird.

And guess what, despite your efforts, i still had a good birthday.

Do not act like as if I force you to do so many difficutl things. Trust me. I would have you as little as invovled as possible. Trust me. If I could drive, you wouldn't be anywhere near me or my needs.

***

To my father, who thinks he's the poor pathetic man I"m begingin to consider him,

Go screw yourself. I spent 3months in a row in a fucking hospital because you were too damn selfish to take care of yourself in the first place. Don't tell me your sick, you made yourself that way. You gulit me into doing all your shit for you and then bring me down becuase I'm never strong enough or not a boy. One thing your selfishnes has taught me is I can do whatever the heck I need to do to get by.

Think of mom once in a while m'kay? Everything will and always will be about you oh amazing lord of hte house, but she's the one who keeps everything together, or at least trys, so shut up and go with it. I can leave in 3 years. she can't.

Or, you can do that whole devorce thing again.

****
This all sounds very selfish. This all sounds like I don't appriciate them. I do, I swear it. But I want them to either pick parent or annoyance so I can bulid my life around that.

The Trap you set for us seems to have caught your own leg

Wow.

Lets just say....I'm so glad I'm on this end of you. Seriously, grow up.

Todays My Birthday

In 5th grade I didn't bring in cupcakes becuase i was afriad someone wouldn't like them

In 6th grade Chelsea Jones made me a sign with my name on it and gave me lipgloss

In 7th grade I had the Brithday Countdown.

In 8th Kristi ran into the lunchroom carrying cake.

In 9th grade I spent 2 weeks dreading it.

In 10th grade I spent half the night with my two best friends, the morning with my other, and none of them forgot.

I'm so lucky. This is what I'm going to have myself remember.

And...I know why everything happened now.

And were all gonna go to hell...

I knew it once.....took it too far, forgot, became mindless,

But you gotta kill yourself a little to really live.

I am tired, afraid, and tired of being afraid.

Coward in every sense of the word.

If its bad, I'm going to be blamed.