And then it hit

I should tell that your amazing every stinking day of this new year, and every moment i should remember that your not him, and you arn't just saying all that stuff becuase its new and fun for you.

I should make sure you know that when I"m not giggling and spurting out lovy dovy sayings its not becuase I don't feel them, but because I"m trying to find that balance between seriouseness and play and I"m afriad that if I go all out a mask will go up for the both of us and we'll forget we were so good together before all of that 'your amazing' nonsense

You are though.

Please know that this is all very similar and compeltly differnt from what I've been doing these past years, and some days I may hate J and wish he jump off a cliff and leave me alone, but other days I may feel sorrow for him.

And then I may get mad, but you know how fun girls moods are right?

Please though, do not beat yourself up. If you have worries or fears or if you think I"M leaving you to be with an elephant, just yell a little.

I"ll hear ya.