"Therefore I will block her path with thornbushes;I will wall her in so that she cannot find her way.She will chase after her lovers but not catch them;she will look for them but not find them." Hosea 2:6-7

Dosn't really apply to me...but it sorta makes sense for some toher stuff going on

"Why did God curse Eve with loneliness and heartache, an emptiness that nothing would be able to fill...He did it to save her. For as we all know personally, something in Eve's heart shifted at the Fall. Something sent its roots down deep into her soul--and ours--that mistrust of God's heart, that resolution to find life on our own terms. So God has to thwart her. In love, he has to block her attempts until, woulded and aching, she turns to him and him alone for her rescue." John and Stasi Eldridge's book, Captivating pg 96

Maybe we are perfect after all

I run away.
He's never there.
Its one big friggin game of tag.

A Batman Nemisis.

Part of me rejoyces in my feministic side of freedeom, basking in the glow of having no responsiblites to any man *though I do* and not being dependent on someone who's life purpose is to make me happy.

Part of me is tired of not quite trusting people.

Part of me is inrecidlby thrilled with newfound friendships, and even more exicted with the fortification of old ones....and yet I find myself getting tired of being the venting catcher.

I'm finally intune with the world, its people, and its culture.

And now I want out, I want the next glow, theres more.

But I'm not unhappy....I'm actualy pretty satisfied.

Though its human nature to want more.

I hold Mormens in my very highest regards.

I do not know how they do it

Its so strange.

I feel so strong...so in-controle.....

I know right here and now that I can do life.

And on another unrelated note....

I'm glad that you two are friends again....

But if you keep hurting him, so help me God, the gloves are coming off.

Christians can be badass too.

I'm in one of those moods....

Does it make it any better when you adknkowladge your own foolishness?

When you accept that what your feeling isn't really how it is, or at least it probably isn't?

It dosn't really make you feel any better....so I dunno.

So hear I am, listening to sappy songs on repeate, wondering if I'm harder to be around or enjoy then others.....

A silly notion I know, I mean how could anyone get sick of me!?

Thats a joke.

The previouse entry was harsh.....harsh and exactly what I was thinking though logiclay it dosn't add up.

I want to know why I keep trying only halfwhittedly. I don't like it, I should fix it.

I know how, I just don't want to.

I am my fathers daughter I suppose.

and in an another unrelated note, its not really a knife to the heart.

Its more a dull spoon, less painful, more mess.

Wah wah wah wah

Lets complain some more.

Now shut up and do something about it.

*No ERic, this is not directed at you*

Sometimes I wish I could be like them, go to bed late, not come to school.

Blow up at people, yell scream and cry and not feel any of the consequences.

I wish I didn't care so much about certain things....

But I do, and I act the way I act because I choose to.....

I'm not too sure what I"m getting at.

I'm not bored half the time, I'm just antsy becuase I know I should be doing something else....

Everyone is so tired. I can't fix that. So I've decided to complaine instead.


I do nothing.

I was a coward.

Socitey said it wasn't cool to tattle.

I didn't.

I am too late.

Its my fault, I could have change it.....

but I didn't.

But I'm not going to run away from her now.

When the inside jokes and obnoxiouse placing of randome condoms at grocery stores becamse more then jokes, and turned into a necesasary protection that a hug and a kiss could not longer provide...

It tipped me off.

But cought up in my own stuff I egnored it.

God I was so stupid.

So....stupid.

That old song from 8th grade that at one time we all made fun of because it made us uncomfortable.

It made us think of a time too far ahead to fathom

Time caught up with us.

Heh, it always does.....