there isn't a soundtrack for every thing.

Creativity seems to come to me in the strangest ways. Myspace pages are not on the top of the list for ways to get the sparks flying, but when vegans vent about movies and life apparently it speaks to me.

Its 1 a.m right now and I'm reminded how easily I fall into the pattern of rising late and going to bed early in the morning....we have yet to repeate the events of two summers ago, thankfuly break should be over before we get to the point where its day before I go to sleep...

And yet I don't want to go to bed just yet.

I struggled with myself on weather or not to go into emo writing mode.....it wouldn't necessarly be EMO writings....it'd just be the stray thoughts linked together like days of old.

I ponderd putting it on the xanga...but as the entrys slowly turn to the long essays of 8th grade I decided that perhaps the wonderful teenage populace isn't quite ready for all of my silly thoughts quite yet.

And then I thought "Heck, the other one is mostly private, if you can't be dumb on your own blog then where can you?"

So here I am, and this is my life on Decemeber 30th 2006

****

Tonight I witnessed several friendships fall apart, was told I make her question the things she believed, and decided there is no point in worrying about it all.

They took a mans life. I don't feel particurly happy, nor do I feel particurly sad....

I think I've gotten to the truth behind the freakish relationship of Derek and Kasey, just in time to sit back, eat my popcorn, and watch them kill each other.

Only, Derek won't* hit girls and Kasey has The Vadican telling her not to kill so it may be an odd struggle.

I wonder what the hell I'm doing running around town with two girls every night of break. Is this me trying to make up for past mistakes that wern't even my mistake? Is this me simply trying to become good friends and make the best of high school?

Or is this me trying to do what people tell me to do.....is this me trying to tell Jon that "Hey, Look at how much better my life is without you"

It is though....just so you all know.

Then theres the fact that there are so many exciting changes and relationships going on right now! Possibilties are opening up and its impossible for me to focus on anything else other than this hopeful future that I can create.

However I worry if I focus too much on the future and possibiltes I will miss any and all chances for them to acutlay happen...

But odly enough...I'm not that worried.

I don't know why. I look around and everyone is freaking. I guess they are just now relizing that nothing is set in stone, they won't have the comfort of this teenage life forever and holy crap, there life will get to a point where they have controle....

Its hard for me to sit and listen to them have all those doubts and thoughts. Perhaps I sturggled with all of these things early so that when it came time for some others to experence it they wouln'dt be alone like I was.

And yet instead of giving encouraging words I just think "How annoying. They don't even think out of hte box"

I'm sure they think "How annoying. She acts like she can do anything."

But....who has the ability to tell me, or you, or anyone, that they can't?


*A story not even blogger should hear.