The Calvin Cycle

The title of this post is the Calvin Cycle for two reasons.

First, I'm working on a project in wich I shall compair Christmas cookies to the process of photosynthisis.

Second, the 'cycle' part sorta describes my life and this blog right now.

This blog was created after finding out that my AOL one that I created to get out some feelings about the then secret Jon and I, stoped working.

In fact, a lot of entrees in here are recycled from that blog, that is until it decided it was just going to randomly delete them and I would loose them to the clutches of cyber space.

But thats okay because I just needed to get it all out. I needed a place to share the frustration of living a secret.

Shortly after getting this blog I couldn't handle it anymore and made the relationship public. Then this place became a spot where I could vent about the surprisingly few times he really annoyed me or upset me.

So I probably havn't done a very good justice to him, becuase he really is a great guy who would have done anything to make me happy. We were both just inexperenced and in way over our heads.

This summer when I went away I was forced to grow up. And while in my opinion I think I act the same mostly, I also realized somthing when returning home. I was a strong girl. Jon, my previouse rock of stability and strength didn't really need to be that rock anymore.

I was my own rock, my bliefs were my rock, what I needed from Jon was simply.....A great friend so we could continue to be something more then friends.

Unfourtinitly thats really hard to explaine to a guy who for the life of him can't figure out why the heck you don't fall all over him anymore.

But I tried to explaine it, and I suppose he tried to understand, but actions were never really taken on either part and Me being the strong person I am decided to stop it.

Like I Said, he's a great guy and I was lucky to have him there with me for 2 in a half great years. There are a lot of things I regret about it, but I learned more then I could have asked for and for that I"m greatful.

So Jon, if I ever let you read this, just know that I loved you and I probably always will in a way but I needed to do this for both of us.

And NOW this blog is going to see a lot more of the new, a lot less of the dying relationship or the dying Virginia, and a lot more growth.

Excited no?