Locked Doors

Last night I fought the urge to lock my self in my room and have no outside contact until I got over it.

It being the illness I seemed to have aquired that makes everyone I know mad at me.

It being the fear that people are begining to see what I've known all along and that perhaps I'm not as strong as I had convinced them.

I mean sure, this used to happen all the time, but it hadn't in so very long.

When did I become so week as to start crying when a mere two people were unhappy with me?

I used to take on armys of them.

My girl friends get on my nerves, I want to scream and take them by the sholders and ask when the freak they decided to just throw it all away.

I'm tired of being nice to suicidial people who are cowards, I want to put them in a room full of dieing people or something just as dramatic and tell them to just get over it.

You don't need to tell me thats not the problem because I know its not. I know thats not how to handle things and I know I'm whining.

I need to do something productive