2006

Saturday, January 1, 2005Subject: DUDE ITS 2005!Time: 12:37:00 AM ESTAuthor: sk8ergirl1191 Mood: Happy
Now before we get started here is the link to the stie in which I got the graphics, just so I don't get sued http://webclipart.about.com/od/holiday/l/blny12.htm
MAN ITS THE NEW YEAR!!!! 2004 is no more! Just one bitter sweet beautiful sometimes magical awfly memory.!!!!
All and all goo
d year, perhaps one of the best. We can only hope 2005 is so good. But hey if its not only 365 more days right?
So out with 2004 in with 2005. Its really quite funny if you think about it. I mean what makes this new years so special? Isn't every day kinda like a new year? Its a year from that date last year isn't it? This is why I think it wouldn't be to much to ask to stay up every night with your family eating unimaginable amounts of junk food! And we'd have confetti! Can't forget the confetti!

It's really rather selfish of me but I think this has been one of the best years of my life. It makes me feel a bit guilty *okay more then a bit* saying that considering so many are suffering from all of that other crap. Now that I have sufficiently depressed you, lets get on to my *somewhat* rose colored life!

So really I think I've had the most fun this year due to one simple fact, I've had friends. It really does make a difference kids. You do need them no matter how gosh darn stubborn you may be. If you didn't have any friends who would you play produce catch with during Algebra? Yep the wall, walls don't catch well..... produce goes SPLAT. you get my point. If not go away, your not welcome.

This time next year however it could very possibly be an entirely different case. For instance I could be in the witness protection program. Or it could be the fact I'll be facing high school. So I will put on my happy face and wear it proudly for I am used to making annoyingly pleasant conversation. Due in part to the many fancy dinners I've been dragged to

Fun fact about yesterday. I went around telling everyone this was the last time we'd be doing it in 2004. Such as...."I got 4pairs of pants on the last day of 2004" or "I was up 18hrs on the last day of 2004" I pretty much drove everyone else. But hey! It's not like you can say that everyday you know!

Sense it seems Jon decided he didn't want to tell us his New Years Resolution, I thought I'd put up what I plan to fail miserable at.

Drum roll please *bangs pencil on desk* Ladies and Gents. For the 5th year now Virginia *me* shall stop biting her fingernails

Truly an admirable goal



*********************************************
That was last year, as you can probably tell. This year I'm concentrating hard of decisions...and puting all my trust in God, because I physicaly can not take over analzing everything anymore, and he's the onle one who knows whats right.

I was somewhat bummed, my dad went to bed early and didn't ring in the New Year with me and mom, which was us sitting on the couch, but J called at 11:59, and was very sweet.

I texted him back to tell him I loved him sense I could right there next to my mom, he sent back one *even though it will cost him money* that said

"I love you too, cuite =P"

Makes things kinda look good. Which they are :)

I'm going to try to be more positive, and more trusting of God this year, its all I can do.

Hehe, into my own hands

The boy finaly, after all this time, decided I am a good form of entertainment and shall acompeny him to the mall this after noon.

Well hah.

I"ve made plans dahling, and your not in them. So you can't go off and do your own thing now, you can't leave me at home wondering why I'm so unhappy.

I refuse to cry today.

Christmas cheer?

Tomorrow is Christmas Eve....and I'm not in the least bit excited. Not one tiny bit.

Sick of it all.

So ready to just pack up and move away and start over.

For the first time in a long, a thought occured to me "...Do I still have friends?"

That may sound like a silly thing to think, but it just hit me. I mean, I don't really LIKE my 'friends' I don't want to hang out with them....but do they still want to hang out with me?

Thats the scary part.

Odly enough, Krisit invited me over at the same time I was emersed in my musings, I said no, no, no, and then yes.

Then she said "Woops, Mom says 2's enough I'm sorry'

Well isn't THAT peachy?

My Dad refused to eat dinner with me tonight. That hurt.

I also think he's smoking again. Shit. Yeah, I cussed, I cussed and I hate Chirstmas.

Hoo-Ray.

Cindy Lue, Where are you?

The wonderful thing about the Grench is, while he had his issues, he was willing to see he was wrong, he was willing to relize that there still was good, hope, passion about something more then consumption.

Thanks to a little girl named Cindy Lue.

Cindy looked all around her and relized something in that little snow covered town wasn't right. Why were these people so excited about gifts, when one hurt so badly up on the mountain? Why did they all shy away from him?

Then she did the impossible, only, she didn't know it was, so she went ahead and did it. She knocked on his door and smiled.....and from then on, its history.

I am the Grench. I am sick and tired of Christmas, I'm not feeling the joy of the season any longer, only the embaressing traditions and awkwardness of relastions.

This Grench realized that this year, her grandmother died, her daddy almost did, and her grandfathers cancer came back. This year, the Grench realized that she wouldn't be getting any gifts from friends, she realized that giving things was now a compititon of the best. She realized there would be no paycheck in her family, and that when others asked her what she was getting, she would become embaressed and rambel about how she didn't know.

I wouldn't say this Grench was particurly jealouse....merly....felt cheated. She didn't need presents, she didn't particurly want any to begin with, but its much easier to be strong when the world isn't falling down around you.

But this Grench realized something.

She had many Cindy Lue's. Her Cindy Lue moved her dads vacation days around so he'd get payed, Her Cindy Lue made sure her grandfather had stayed bussy and productive. Her Cindy Lue made sure of so many things.

So the Grench took a moment to look around her, and realized that maybe Christmas wasn't the mericle event of the year like she had hoped, but there were still others out there willing to try.

And to this Grench, thats the important part.

Ignoring the obviouse

I used to be poetic and just and ignorance and blissfuly unaware of my own humanities.

I used to be unfazed and idealistic and sure in my values and convictions, I knew what I wanted, I knew how to get there.

I don't know what I want, I don't even know how to string words together in a form art to make a picture or evoke an emotion any longer.

Its teenage angst, it has to be teenage angst, I just can only hope that sometime I'll get to be a teenager with out angst. The optamistic, not trying to prove anything kind.

Have you ever met one of those? Me either.

Maybe some day being egnored won't hurt so much, and sitting at home doing homework on a Saturday won't seem pathetic, merly pratical. A good use of time so to say.

Though about now I"d give anything just to throw up my hands and do something less productive and pratical. To go out and party, to drive in circles, to walk around the block, or to merly cry into my pillow.

The later is probably what I shall end up doing, but quite frankly I don't understand why. I never understand why. I think I'm the person who balances out all those stubbern boys who hold their tears in. They just send them to me, I'll take care of the dirty work for them.

The good news is I've done my health, the bad news is.....

I don't consider anything goodnews.

Why is it like this?

I suppose its to be expected, God dosn't bless with both hands right?

Then why does it seem as though others have so many talents and abilites, and I have none. The ones I think I possess are quickly being outdone by others who don't even have to try.

It wouldn't be such a hard thing in life, to not be the best....but for some reason I feel as though I'm always having to prove something to someone....and you only have to prove something, if someone thinks you might be the best already.

Well news flash people, I'm not.

I can trick you, and sometimes even myself into thinking that maybe I am, but in reality, its just due to short bursts of high energey and always doing my homework, always doing that extra credit.

But thats wearing off now, I've looked around me and seen what people do with such ease. Ease is something that I do not posssess. Maybe its a test to see if I can be stronger then them, because I have to work harder...

But I'm thinking I'm just lazy.

The worse part is, there ISN"T any reason I should ahve to work harder. No ADD, no ADHD, no LD, I'm just....

Mediocure.

And thats frustrating, because so many unmedicoure people assiosiate with me, and anyday now there going to relize they've been amoung a froud....

Then what?

You can't go back through the bridges you've burned....

Um...Preeety.

So she tried to tell herself to be patient. So everyone around her offered comfort and abundant shoulders to lean on presented themselves to her every which way. So she had it made: everything around her was flowers and sunshine. So her surroundings and entourage were as understanding and therapeutic as they come. So, like a fragile, withering rose, she closed in on herself and marked the pages of a yellowed journal, endowing a florid passage with the bittersweet beauty of days and passing fancies that would not return or repeat themselves. So, taking her entirely unawares, love discovered her."-I do not know

I hate the world

A few nights ago J told me how bad he felt for talking about his mom in a disrespectful way. Needless to say I was somewhat shocked seeing as the woman dosn't do squat for him, though I can't say I feel comfortable judging how she should mother her child.

J: But she does stuff for me...

Me: Like?

J: Feed me.

Me: Its her legal obligation!

And no, that wasn't said in a funny way, because I feel utterly spoild by my mom who get this, PAYS for my food.

Last night Lea and I were at Wal-Mart, an old cart lady was in front of us pushing a trai of carts in the 17degree weather at 11 o'clock at night.

Why?

I hate the world.

I know there is so much worse things out there, and I've seen quite a few of them, just I'm so helpless to help all the injustice, and no matter how much I hate the World, I'm always going to be stuck living in it.

Being a freakin bystander.

Its amazing when...

When you can have the one of the cutest boys in school say you looked pretty, and that he loves you, and the only thing you can think about is how you wish J was around so you could give him a nice home and you could smell him because he wears a nice calogne no matter what he says.

ANd let me tell ya, its awesome.

Eric: Virginia, I love you.

*Me spacing off* He smells so nice...........oh what was that you said?

Haha, so no it wasn't like that. Purly friendship, and he was talking about God so don't get any crazy ideas

My new favorite hobby...

I've taken to becoming a nosy friend....and its working out quite nicly.

If I want to know something, I ask.

And more often then not, the person was wanting to tell it in the first place, then just thought no one wanted to hear.

The crazy thing is..I enjoy it. They enjoy it.

I'm not going to tell anyone, but its a lot like theatre class.

You have to make upa l ife for a character you might no nothing about, that way you'll know how they will react in a situation.

Then you know how to help that person if they ever seem lower then low, and desperate, making you not so intirly desperate.

And sense your the only one who thought to ask, your one of the few who can help.

Meaning your needed, which fits in with our theme of the week.

Hoo-Ray!

What on earth is this boy smoking!?

Eric: I've been thinking over two things today...

Eric: And i'm going to tell you both

Eric: lol

Me: Alright then!

Eric: 1.

Eric: I'm watchin the animated version of the Little Engine That Could

Eric: I LOVED this movie when i was little, and i found it today and got all excited

Me: Becuase thats wat all 15 year old boys do in their spair time...

Eric: dont poke fun.

Eric: lol

Me: Hehe, alright. Is their a point or are we just going down memory lane? *that movie scared me,. when they were in the mountain*

Eric: YES!

Eric: lol

Eric: that was just a random excitement thing.

Eric: but 2.

Eric: You looked wickedly pretty today

Eric: lol

Eric: and i mean that in the most non-hitting on you way possible

I proceded to tell him that I was very flattered, but also quite attached to Jon and would not proceed to have a large indepth love affair with him.

He replied "Me too"

Does that mean he also likes Jon???

*wink*

But its always nice to be told you look nice when your feeling that your shirt makes you look fat.