If only I had some of J's wit when it comes to making up Titles

Last week was awful, completly mindblowing, never gonna heal, scaring, awful.

And its completly my fault.

It began with my bad attitude about T.A, which is a result of low self esteem, and it ended with me up at 3a.m talking to Derek, one of the strangest people I've ever met, a result of him being the only one who cared.

Well, no, they all care, they just wouldn't be able to handel it at the current time.

And they shouldn't have to.

So they didn't.

But Derek, good ol', completly unreliable, never sure how he'll react, sometimes the most frustrating, sometimes the most amazing, Derek saved the day.

And my life.

No, I wasn't going to kill my self, not even I am that stupid.

I met Derek in Social Studies, in 7th grade. He's not good looking, he's not very social, but for some reason he started talking to me.

So I talked back, and gave him a screan name...

One that didn't exist! I didn't know he meant yahoo!

But then, maybe...four months later, I did get a yahoo name, and there were four messages from Derek.

So we started talking again.

And we argued....a lot.

But man, these arugments weres ome of the best conversations I"ve ever had. I felt like an adult. We didn't yell at each other, we didn't stop talking.

I was learning to debate.

Seriously, some of the most usful stuff was learned during those online conversations where we argued everythign from the meaning of life to politics.

One time, in a locker room for basketball one of the older team members asked me who was going out with their little bro. Then she asked who Jenny was....

When I raised my hand I fianlyl figured out why Derek talked to me.

He liked me.

I didn't really pay any attention to it, didn't bother me, just avoided it.

That was the best corse of action. Things continued on, I continued to spend time aruging my way into Derek, hoping he'd see there was more.

Hard life, he blamed everyone and everything for it. Nothing was his fault, he didn't take responsiblity for any of it, he was done.

Thats mostly what we talked about...though the subject never really came up.

Saturday night he was the one telling me how to live, how to not blame myself.

Derek grew up.

No longer the boy who hates the world, he's the guy who takes the world. Works with it, for his family, for his friends, not for him self though.


We stoped talking for a while, he lost any romantic intrest and I found one so we no longer needed the past time of the decussions.

But he was there the other night, and he saved me.