Ignore the problem watch it grow

Yesterday my pants said "I love you!" in big capotile letters.

Today they say "Life Sucks"

That should tell you a little something about my day.

I don't even know what was so bad about it, I suppose we never really do.

Prone to looking at the bleak and dismal we loose sight of the good. Its not even that we don't see it, we know its there, we just don't reconize it.

Perhaps I'm just a pessimest, the test we took in health said I was a manic depressive.

Let me tell you how much THAT livened my day.

Don't know what I'm doing, want nothing more then to just cry in my room but I don't want to be alone yet I won't go to the game becuase I don't want to be around people.

ITs flippin insaine I tell you.

The worse part is I can't even blame J. Sure he was late to school but he did show up.

So I'm angry at him, only I'm not, though I wish I could be, and then I feel guilty about the whole mess.

Nice huh?

Anger, madness, selfishness, passion, all surging through your veins in a rush of insanity. Keying in on your adrenalin, before you know it your brain has sent the signal and you've screwed up.

Royal screwed up. No going back your stuck to live with the consequences of your actions, never to forget the pain you brought.

But to who? The person it was originally inflected upon, or upon yourself.

Because your reprimanded yourself, asking how you could do such a thing, wondering just what is wrong with you to make you like that.

And there's no forgiveness in sight. You don't want any anyway, you don't' deserve it. The idea of it makes you sick, makes your head hurt.

You would do anything to go back.

Before.

But you can't. Your stuck, you know it, they know it, and its eating you away.

It's never going to change.....

Unless...

Maybe forgiveness is there, maybe you just haven't looked in the right places.

Maybe it will all be better tomorrow, you can't go back, but you can make better.

Or at least, you can try.

Why do I keep doing this?

My relationship with my parnets has always been...unstable, my stubbern and tanturm ways along with there absolute inability to listen to anything gets the better of me.

And I'm thrown into a sprial of selfish tears and unnedded thoughts about just what it is exactially they find hard to understnad, when I think about what the heck I"m doing.

Sure, crying in your room seems like a good short termed solution, but what the heck is that going to acompish in the long run?

Sitting there, mad and angry at them, but mostly upset at myself, I thought this.

And it made me laugh

"Smooth Virginia, so now what? You gonna stay in your room forever? Order pizza?"

Which might not of been to bad, had I had a phone book....or a phone...or money.

Its just so selfish of me. I mean good gosh, I didn't even know why I was angry. Something to do with dinner...

Something I probably won't get.

It's just that utter rush of anger that surges through your vains and before you can count to 10 your repremending youself becuase you know what you said was wrong, and you know you would of never said it, but its too late.

Next thing you know your in your room with out food.

:(

Did I ever tell you??

Did I ever mention how fun it is to be a teenager?

We are expected to be moody, yet understandinb and loyal. We're suposed to put all our faith in friendship, yet expected to become angry when someone says something stupid.

And becuase were teenagers, were expected to say stupid things quite often.

So when their mad, and sensitive, and no one knows why, other then hints that are thrown out as often as popcorn, it is our sole duty to cheer them up, make them laugh, blah blah.

We're supposed to be understanding when theses attempts in a futile word of "whatever" yet be persistent enough to not care...

Which brings up to our question,

I ever tell you how much fun?

After the storm

.....Do I even need to say it?

Do I need to tell you all how utterly pathetic I am sometimes, and even when nothings really wrong I can find ways to completely tare myself down in a ball of complete nothingness?

Perhaps it has something to do with astrology, you know, if you believe in that kind of thing.

I don't....but I'm open to suggestions.

So, incase your wondering, and In case your not and your just really bored, I found music.

ANd was complemented on it.

So I suppose the project was a success.....Don't have a grade yet, so we'll see for sure later.

The moral of the story kids, is get a warning label, stick it on your forehead, and make sure all your friends know your prone to extreme bursts of patheticness.

P.S, if you need a dating site, just check out my last comment.

;)

Ah, now I know what to complain..I mean Post, about

I use to struggel whith how I should act around him. Always strong and positive? Or my usal emo self?

I usualy go with the first I suppose. Something to do with my fear of actually being comforted (?) or showing weakness I guess.

But today I due to lack of sleep from this terrosit democracy they call school, and was too lazy to post up the emotianal shutters of my usual fascaid.

Pluse, it's his fault I'm in the darn class.....okay, well its not, but I'll be blaming him this evening.

I don't know why I'm upset...I want him to relize all he's done, but I want him to never know.

And now I just have to find this stinkin music, and things arn't lookin well.

This is utterly rediculous

I'm stressing about what should be my easiet class, I'd like nothing more then to just go to sleep, and I'm not hungr.y

I know, I'm confused too.

Just want to find some instermental backround music! But can I find that? No.

So people who like to comment and its really just advertising, I must say you let me down. When I need you, your not there for me, it hurts.

Hurst me deap

Hehe

If anyone needs, pottery, Japanese vasese, or other such thigns, please just look in my comment section.

:)

Thank you, that is all

Understandable

Understandable, its my new favorite word.

Yeah, no, its okay, its understandable

Because with this one word, you can say many things.

Or rather, your can imply them.

Because, while something is understandable, dosn't mean I agree with it. It dosn't mean I think your right, it dosn't mean I think someone else is wrong, heck, it dosn't mean I even give a crap.

It just means that its understandable.

But in all truth, that could be said about anything.

But wondering what couldn't be understood is the great part.

People, you can't understand people. We cry when people die, yet show no remorce when someone stops showing up at work, or at school.

You can't understand why someone makes themself bleed, why someone finds it necessary to harm themself because no one cares.

You can't understand why no one cares. Why no one helps her, why she has no friends.

Yet people are good.

You can't understand the world, while parts are so beautiful and giving, how others can be so deselent and unforgiving towards mankind.

Yet the world is good.

Though someday, we'll all understand, and things will be good.

Frightened

Tonight I watched the Exerzisim of Emily Rose, but thats not why I'm scared.

J's MIA.

I havn't heard from him, and I must admit that in my pathetic state I'm quite worried.

He's not been online, he's not called, an when Jimi called his house no one answered.

I don't think he had plans, so why hasn't he called?

IN othernews, I completly torn down Derek after the movie.

That is all.

Every day is a journal page
Every man holds a quill and ink
And there's plenty of room for writing in
All we do is believe and think
So will you compose a curse
Or will today bring the blessing
Fill the page with rhyming verse
Or some random sketching
Teach us to count the days
Teach us to make the days count

Lead us in better ways
That somehow our souls forgot
Life means so muchLife means so much
Life means so much
Every day is a bank account
And time is our currency
So nobody's rich, nobody's poor
We get 24 hours each
So how are you gonna spend
Will you invest, or squander
Try to get ahead
Or help someone who's under

Teach us to count the days
Teach us to make the days count
Lead us in better ways
That somehow our souls forgot
Life means so much
Life means so much
Life means so much

Has anybody ever lived who knew the value of a life
And don't you think giving is all
What proves the worth of yours and mine
Teach us to count the days
Teach us to make the days count
Lead us in better ways
That somehow our souls forgot
Life means so much
Every day is a gift you've been given
Make the most of the time every minute you're living



Chris Rice, Life Means So Much


*I totally killed the formatting, sorry*

All sorts of intersting things

My intention was to do English homework.

You can see how well that worked out.

But insted I sit here, trying rather despretly to recall the feelings of earlier in the day so I could write them here to forever be remembered.

But why?

I mean, why keep those feelings around? Shouldn't we work through them, towards something better?

At least thats what all those self help books tell us, though I'm not intirly sure they should be trusted.

But today I did some self helping of my own. I was honost, yet not brutle, and I'm hoping it did us good.

But mostly I'm hoping he isn't too hurt, because he soon ended the conversation.

Though perhaps that was just his cerfew.

I'm a flower in the school play. Yes, I know. It probably involves me wearing some odd dress and dancing around the main characters in some elegent way.

I'm so not a flower person.

But hey, I got off easy. J is a Centar, you know, the half horse half man things.

He has to have a furry butt.

So perhaps being a flower will grow on me.

It's going to be one of those nights. The ones that go on forever yet end way too soon. Where your crying because you need too and you want to yet your ashamed too because thats what we've been told.

And Relient K plays in the backround because even though your no longer one of those speical people who knew about them, you knew about them before they were big, and thats enough because you can still pretend there only yours.

Yours meaning you share with thousands.

I started out doing English homework.

You can see where that got me.