Scared, stupid, annoyed, lonely

Tomorrow is 9th grade orination, I'm scared out of my mind.

I want my parents to go to sleep so I can turn on my cell and tag to the Boy, because for some stupid reason, he never gets on the internet anymore.

I've lost all self controls and patience, I know I'm acting like a grumpy jerk, I blame the 2hrs sleep I've gotten in the past 24hrs.

Yet I refuse to go to bed.

I think its screwing with my emotions, I want to curse, and I want ot cry, but most of all I just want company.

Only, not the company of my parents, in fact, other then the Boy, I can't think of a single person who I'd feel like talking to.

SO why is my phone turned off, making all contact with him impossible?

I love my friends, at least, I love their memory. Is it so very horrible of me to say that I'm really hoping to find DIFFERENT ones come school?

Perhaps I'm just incapable of settling for awesome, these friends of mine are really good friends...Just maybe not good people.

Oh man, I don't mean that. I'm no better.

I'm just a good for nothing hypocrite who doesn't know what she wants, and on the off chance she does she turns of her darn phone.

I'm so scared, he's going to find someone else in more of his classes, I'm going to be so dumb in all of mine, we're going to stop talking...

I really wish my parents would leave so I could break down in tears and cry,

if only because I"m an idiot

I swear it was not this hard while he was on his trip, perhaps because I KNEW he wouldn't be getting on, because I had low expectations.

And now, I"ve got a small glimmer of hope, and I'm hoping with everything I am, and more because I need him.

This is ridiculous.